Happy Gay Christmas Survival Guide
Santa comes just once a year, and for some people it’s the most wonderful time to be with family and friends … but for others the Christmas cheer can be a challenge.
At the Gay Happiness Project we want your Christmas to be as happy as possible so whether you’ll be with your birth family, the in-laws or your gay best friends, grab a mince pie and have a read through our Happy Gay Christmas guide to surviving the festival season.
1. Be Prepared
If you’re going to be in a family situation that may be uncomfortable, or a messy party with friends, there is much to be gained from planning ahead. At the Gay Happiness Project we talk about the gap that exists between ‘stimulus’ and ‘response’ in which you can consciously choose how to respond.
Realising that you can choose how to think and respond to a situation can be incredibly empowering. If you’re operating on emotional ‘auto-pilot’, you’re likely to respond instinctively to habitual triggers. By turning your auto-pilot off you get to choose how to respond, and with practice you’ll soon be speaking with a stronger authentic voice.
If you think about it, most family situations are predictable; you know who is likely to trigger you or who might ask difficult questions, so you can prepare for them.
TIP: Write a list of the situations, questions or people who might trigger you. Then decide how or if you will choose to respond. Having prepared responses and by clearly defining your boundaries, means you can avoid any nasty surprises.
2. Be Present
Mindfulness trains us to be more aware of the present as it actually is, which means we can take in more accurate information about what’s really going on. This can have a lot of benefits such as:
- Being curious about what’s really happening
- Recognising whether you’re responding as your adult self, or falling back into to childhood responses
- Connect to what your body is telling you. If you’re tired, go to bed or if you need some space, take some time out, or if you need to speak to an ally then phone a friend.
TIP: Use the 4-7-8 breathing technique to ground yourself:
1. Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth, right behind your front teeth.
2. Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.
3. Hold your breath for a count of 7.
4. Release your breath from your mouth with a whooshing sound for a count of 8.
5. Repeat: breathe in again for a count of 4, repeating the entire technique 3-4 times in a row, then allow your breathing to return to normal.
3. Be Positive
Positivity is one of our favourite subjects at the Gay Happiness Project, because a positive mindset is incredibly easy to learn. Here are three easy ways to develop a positive mindset:
1. It’s not just me: recognising that millions of people around the world will be in a similar situation to you, quickly reduces feelings of isolation and increases a sense of connection.
2. Attitude of Gratitude: Developing an attitude of gratitude is one of the very best way to avoid catastrophisation. Sure, you might not be having the best time, but matters could be much worse. Being realistic you have a roof over your head, your have clothes on your back and there’s food on the table.
3. Random Act of Kindness: Random acts of kindness can be especially fun, for example buying a coffee for the person next to you, or making some gesture of kindness for which the recipient will never know who did it.
Being prepared, being positive and being present really means looking after yourself. The best way to do this to to ask for 100% of what you need. If you think about it, asking for 100% of what you need, doesn’t mean you’ll get everything you ask for, so it’s best to start from a high bid!
Remember that as an adult you’re in full control of yourself at all times; putting your own wellbeing and happiness first is actually the responsible thing to do. As Rupaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else?”
Know yourself and ‘No’ yourself means choosing to set clear boundaries based on understanding yourself, your own history and habits. By taking a few active steps to look after yourself over the festive season, you’ll be well on your way to enjoying a relaxing and happy Christmas.
Gay Happiness Project - Winter 2020
The next Gay Happiness Project course starts on Wednesday 5th February 2020 at 6.30pm near Baker Street. In a safe and friendly group setting you can learn mindfulness, life-skills and self-care techniques on the happiest gay course in London.